You don’t get what you deserve

This morning, I was talking with a friend I haven’t seen in a while.

She’s in a new relationship that seems much healthier and happier than any of her previous relationships.

Somehow, her ex came up.

They had had a pretty messy break-up and I asked her how she was feeling about him.

She said, “You know what, I finally realized that just because I had behaved in ways I didn’t like, didn’t mean that I deserved to be treated poorly. I had to separate my behavior and his behavior and go for what I really wanted.”

I thought that was pretty profound and mature. She was essentially saying, “Hey, I'm not perfect, but I still deserve to be happy.”

And then I thought, it not just about what she thought she deserved.

Yes, she changed her thoughts about herself (i.e. about what she deserved). AND THEN she changed her behavior (i.e. saying no to the ex, and yes only to what she truly wanted).

And she has had to do this over and over again to get to where she is now.

I was reminded of a phrase the great transformational psychologist, Katie Hendricks has said many times:

“We don’t get what we deserve. We get what we’re committed to.”

Let that sink in for a second.

We all deserve to be happy, healthy and loved.

But not all of us are.


More often than not, the real reason, underneath all the excuses, is we are actually committed to something else. i.e. when we step back and look, we see that we’ve been acting in ways that take is us away from what we say we want.

Of course, there are circumstances where this does not apply - war torn, poverty stricken and oppressed peoples would be one. Children born with health problems is another.

But in general, for those of us reading this email from the comfort of our homes, on our smartphones, this rule most definitely applies.

It also applies to our bodies.

Everyone deserves to feel great.

But most people reading this email are actually committed to something else.

If you say over and over again that you want to lose weight, or get healthy, or whatever. But over and over again, you don’t.

It’s time to look deep down and see what you’ve really been committed to.

Once you’ve done that, can you see if you're willing to create something different.

When you are, one of the best ways is right here:

Kate (& Jason)

Jason Su